I’ve realized I really do hate men and I use “falling in love “ with a specific man to avoid contending with how much I hate all men, all the time.
I look for men who will transcend patriarchy and I convinced myself the men in my life want to transcend it and just need me to teach them how.
It’s such a lie. They don’t want to transcend the system that benefits them. They expect me to pretend they have, so they don’t have to feel guilty.
And I tell myself I’m in love with them, so I will go on pretending, feeding their ego, feeding their delusions.