I like kindness in a man. What I don’t like is how often nice guys are raging misogynists underneath the surface. They wait for me to give “signals” and take basic decency on my side as evidence that I want to be approached. When I approach them or act more assertive, they usually find it off-putting or outright demeaning. My experience is nice guys expect me to play out the female counterpart in their fantasies. They’re not really nice, because they’re not interested in getting to know me or what I want or need as a person. They want to get whatever they want from me, and if they don’t get it fast enough, they’ll move on. Shockingly, I don’t want to invest in someone like that.

That’s not niceness. It’s adding niceness to their dating resume like it’s another marketable skill. It’s repulsive.

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